Our Imperfect Lives

One Down Two to Go

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Last Thursday we had our long awaited first home study visit.  It was more or less what we expected. We were asked to answer a lot of personal questions about our relationship, how we interact, how we deal with conflict as well as questions about what we foresee our parenting style to be and more.  Many of the questions were difficult to put our answers into words, but we trudged through the hypotheticals and self-examinations.

While we discussed our perspective on our relationship the social worker probably came to many of the same conclusions on her own by simply observing how we answered the questions and interacted – Meg answered most of the questions and I filled in anything that I thought was left out or simply confirmed what she said. It was likely pretty clear that Meg is more of the talker in the relationship while Marcy tends to listen more; Meg is more of a type A take control person while Marcy is more laid back and willing to follow if she doesn’t disagree with the situation.

We discussed that we envision our parenting styles to reflect how our parents raised the two of us. We both had mothers who were the disciplinarians and developed more of a structured life while our fathers were more laid back. Marcy tends to reflect our fathers’ attitudes while Meg’s personality is more indicative of how our mothers acted.  We were both fortunate enough to have two parents who cared for us and were involved in our lives and we absolutely intend to be the same way with our children.

In addition to answering a number of very personal questions we were given a bit of homework to do – a Family Preference Checklist. The check list is essentially a list of potential physical and behavioral problems a child might face and our task was to go through the five page list and try to decide if each of the items were something we’d consider accepting in a child or not. The list included everything from a heart murmur, to a paraplegic, to down syndrome or a child that lies from time to time.

We checked off the majority off the items as “willing to discuss” but left off the more serious items as “least acceptable.” We don’t want to get in over our heads with a child/children’s needs but we also want to keep our options open. We don’t want a social worker to not consider us for a child/children simply because we didn’t check off a certain box on a sheet.

We’re making a lot of progress in this process towards becoming eligible foster parents. Tomorrow we have our second visit of the home study which will include each of us having a one on one meeting with the social worker. Then we’re really in the home stretch.

We’re also making progress in our process of preparing our house for a new addition to the family. We’ve started putting down our new floors. Right now it’s like putting together a giant jigsaw puzzle as we’re laying out all of the pieces. Hopefully tomorrow after our home study appointment we’ll be able to start nailing down the floors in the first room we’re tackling.

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We’re moving ahead at full speed now!

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