Our Imperfect Lives

Holy Cow!

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We’ve gone from a slow saunter to a speedy sprint in our journey. We had our home study submitted several weeks ago for a sibling group of two – a two year old boy and a then 3 month old girl – and yesterday we were contacted regarding their placement.

We were told that the children’s worker was looking to move them quickly. They were in respite care while their foster mother had surgery and the ideal situation for the children would be to move them both to a pre-adoptive foster home while the foster mother was still receiving medical care. Of course just because something is ideal doesn’t mean it’s meant to be. The children will return to their foster mother after her surgery. However, the move will still happen soon, very soon – hopefully.

Adoptions through DCF are frequently imperfect ways to create beautiful families and this so far is shaping up to be imperfect or at least a little irregular. Normally, or the prescribed plan anyway, is for a family’s home study to be selected and then for the family to have a disclosure with the worker. At that point the worker will share everything DCF knows about the child or children to the adoptive family. Often the family will even be provided an opportunity to speak with the foster parents, teachers, doctors and other caregivers before making the decision to move forward with the placement. However, this will not happen for us, at least not yet.

Since the worker would like to move the children quickly and due to the fact that the case has recently been handed off to a new worker, the disclosure will happen at a later date. We were amenable to accepting the placement without a disclosure first, but we weren’t going to do it with our eyes closed and just a wish and a prayer (although the wish and a prayer are important no matter what the situation).

After getting as much information about the children as we could from our worker, she then got us in direct contact with the children’s ongoing worker and their adoption worker. After getting enough information to make us feel fairly comfortable with proceeding, we scheduled a meeting with the children.

After a couple meetings with the children, probably a full day and an afternoon visit, and assuming all goes well, they could come to live with us in as little as a week.

Now while the quick pace of this placement makes it unusual, it’s not the only thing. Only one of the children officially has a goal of adoption. The young girl still has a goal of reunification with her family. Now, it is probable that her goal will be switched to adoption in the next month or so, which is why they want to move the children together – but it adds an extra layer of risk to this legal risk placement.

Even with the irregularities of this placement we’re very excited (and a healthy bit of terrified!). When one of the workers joked that as long as we like ball sports and teddy bears we’d be fine with the young boy, we couldn’t help but giggle and feel optimistic – these are things Marcy loves. Marcy has a love for sport, particularly those with balls like soccer, and still has a soft spot for soft teddy bears. In fact, Marcy can’t bring herself to part with the scruffy teddy bears she always had tucked under her arm as a child.

We look forward to meeting this young boy and girl, learning more about them, and keeping pace with this sprint, because holy cow is this journey about to get interesting!

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