Our Imperfect Lives


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Holiday Whirlwind

The holidays have always been busy for us since we’re both very close with our families and they’re both pretty local, so we try to fit everything, and everyone in. Now, add in two children under the age of three and then the holidays really get busy. Except this year we made everyone come to us.

Even though Sport is only two, he’s just old enough to get who Santa is and all the excitement that surrounds the jolly old man in red – of course he was still terrified when it came to sitting on the bearded guy’s lap, but what kind of parents would we be if we didn’t do the requisite crying toddler photo?

We started the holiday off with our foot to the floor and going fast. Christmas eve kicked off with spending hours disinfecting our house since we both had the stomach bug just before the holiday and the last thing we wanted to do was pass it along to anyone else (Thankfully the virus fairy took pity on us and stayed clear of the kiddos!). Then we kicked it into overdrive and had to scramble to get everyone in their holiday best for the Christmas Eve service at church where we met Meg’s family.

Church went amazingly well considering the candle lit service started at the time we’re usually getting the kids ready for bath time. Following the service we continued to push the needle to the red line and went to a family friend’s house. We figured since Sport knew Santa was coming it was going to be hard to get him to settle down for bed anyway, so we just put him in his Santa PJs at the party and by the time we got home at around 10 o’clock he was sound asleep from all of the activity.

The night was over for the kids, but not for us. It was time for our first shot at playing Santa. Marcy’s parents were very careful with their Santa versus Mom and Dad presents; they would use two different wrapping papers and Santa’s gift tags would be printed while Mom and Dad gift cards were written in script. This was a tradition Marcy insisted we follow. We realized that the kids were too young to pick up on the difference, but that it would be a good practice for years to come, because hopefully the kids will still be with us.

Christmas morning started with unpacking stockings followed by a couple presents, a snack, then more presents, then brunch with Meg’s family, then more presents, Marcy’s family came over, then more presents. The presents continued. All. Day. Long. It was a very slow going process. Sport opening one present and obsessing/playing with it for a bit then a short while later we were able to continue tackling the mound of presents. Each time he opened a present that was a clothes item he had to put it on. At one point he was wearing a t-shirt, a sweater, a t-shirt, a football jersey and a hat. When he opened his Snoopy sweatshirt we had to strip him down and start all over again with the clothes before he melted from the warmth.

It was busy. It was chaotic. It was amazing. Christmas is a whole new thing with small children in your life.

Well, it was a short week and then another holiday! This one was a bit lower key, in the sense that it was just the four of us. We went away for New Year’s Eve in what we imagine was the kids’ first vacation away. We traveled two hours north where we were able to swim in the hotel pool, hike in the woods, slide across a frozen lake in our boots and take a scenic train ride.

Our midnight celebration wasn’t quite like what we had celebrated in the past, in fact we were sound asleep when the clock struck midnight. However, we were wide awake a few minutes after the ball dropped because our littlest bundle of joy wasn’t so joyous. The dry air in the hotel room was wreaking havoc on Sunshine’s nasal passages and she couldn’t sleep. Thankfully Sport slept through all of the crying, coughing, and constant on and off of the hot steaming shower.

While the whole holiday season had a number of ups and downs we wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. Now, here are a few photos from the amazing celebrations for your enjoyment:

Stocking

New clothes

Emma opening her present

Bella on alert

Checking out the new toys

Hiking

Hiking

Checking out the frozen lake

Checking out the frozen lake

Hiking

Train ride


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Happy National Adoption Month

November, widely known as Movember or Moustache November, is a month where many men grow facial hair in awareness of men’s health, specifically prostate cancer. Since Marcy’s father kicked prostate cancer’s butt not once but twice, we are all for promoting prostate cancer awareness; but it’s not the only awareness issue that November focuses on – it’s also National Adoption Month.

If you didn’t know it was National Adoption Month, don’t feel too badly because we weren’t aware of it before this year either. Adoption has been an important part of our lives for quite some time, especially Marcy’s life. Marcy’s older sister, Melissa, is adopted. Now, because adoption is such a huge part of our lives and the way Marcy’s parents chose to start theirs, we feel the need to pay a little attention to this celebration.

Our story, which we hope will soon become an adoption story, is just one of many, many adoption stories. Some adoption stories are created through familial adoptions, some international adoptions, others through state care like ours, and an additional route to take is through private agencies, which is what Marcy’s parents did over thirty years ago.

Many families turn to adoption when doctors say conceiving a child is not an option. We never bothered to speak with a doctor regarding one of us trying to conceive because we knew it wasn’t the path we wanted to take. We believed there were children in state custody who were waiting to complete our family. However, Marcy’s parents did speak with a doctor about conceiving a child, and he said it wasn’t possible. Obviously the doctor wasn’t one hundred percent correct in his prognosis, since Marcy is sitting here as we write this blog. Marcy’s parents, eager to start a family, started looking into adoption. Marcy’s parents chose to use Catholic Charities as their adoption agency, even though they are Protestant and not Catholic.

Marcy had always known, since she was old enough to understand, that her sister was adopted. The story was no secret in the family. In fact, Marcy and her siblings joke that Melissa is “The Chosen One” because she was adopted and Marcy is “The Miracle” because she wasn’t supposed to be able to happen. However, even though we previously knew the broad strokes of the story we had not discussed it in much detail until we started on our adoption path. For example, Marcy never knew that her parents didn’t care about the gender or ethnicity of the child they were placed with – they just wanted a child to share their lives with, just like us. Even though they didn’t care if their child looked like them, Marcy’s parents were placed with a baby girl with blond hair and blue eyes, just like Marcy’s mother. Coincidentally enough, even though we were open to children of any race, we were placed with two children who do share similar characteristics with us; Sport has dirty blond hair like Meg while Sunshine has darker, slightly curly hair like Marcy.

Our journey to adoption has also stimulated similar discussions with Melissa on the subject. She has shared her views on open adoptions, molded by her personal experiences. Melissa was born to two teenage parents who recognized that they could not care for a baby girl and gave her up for adoption. However, that is the bulk of the information we knew about Melissa’s parents until recently; she was adopted through a closed adoption. Marcy’s family was a happy family, and from what we know from Marcy’s experiences as a child and from Melissa’s words herself, Melissa had a happy childhood and she loves her parents dearly. Nonetheless, the older she got, the more she yearned to know about her birth parents (as an adult she has been able to unearth a bit more information through extensive research).

A large portion of this yearning came from wanting to know ethnic lineage and medical history. Melissa knew her adoptive family tree, which an aunt had tracked all the way to Governor Bradford and the Mayflower, however, it wasn’t her biological family. Were her health problems related to her family history or just dumb luck? These questions are a large reason why Melissa has encouraged us to have an open adoption if and when the time comes. And we have decided that if the situation is right, we will agree to an open adoption.

We love the adoption stories of real families, families we know personally and the ones we learn about through friends or on the internet. But we also enjoy the fictional story of an adoptive family portrayed on ABC Family’s “The Fosters.” We must note that we were particularly drawn to the show because the family is headed by a lesbian couple. For anyone who’s looking for a feel good, highly dramatized and simplified adoption story we encourage you to check it out.

To learn more about National Adoption Month, visit the National Adoption month website or the Adopt US Kids website.

Finally – here are some photo highlights of our weekend…

Swimming at the YMCA:

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Basketball at the YMCA:

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Hiking at a local wooded preserve:

Blog23c Blog23d Blog23e

Dance party in the living room:

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Welcome to Our Imperfect Life!

Greetings gentle readers! Chances are you already know the beginning of our narrative but for those lucky few who stumbled onto our little blog with no knowledge of our storied beginning let us enlighten you….

Our names are Meg and Marcy and it all began with a wink – a virtual wink –

on match.com. We met on the famed online dating site, fell in love, and married. Now, according to fairy tales that is where the story should draw to a close as we ride off into the sunset basking in our love but… that is where this story begins.

As most couples do we chatted about kids and decided that we wanted them. Great. Now what?  For a heterosexual couple this is where the fun part begins (if you’re not having fun while trying to make a baby, you might be doing it wrong) but for us, two lesbians, this is where the logistics coversation starts.

Does one of us get pregnant? If so, who and how? There can be a lot to consider. Our decision was a little less complicated because even though we both felt a calling to be mothers, neither of us had a desire to carry a baby in our womb.

So, that was that. Adoption was our answer. More specifically, we decided we wanted to adopt through the state’s foster care program.

Some people hear about our decision and think that what we’re doing is a wonderful thing, selfless and brave even. This, dear readers, is wrong. We want children, a family, and we don’t want to do it the more traditional route. This is about our happiness – our happiness as a whole family. A family complete with two parents, a couple of kids and a couple of dogs. (Did we mention that we’re already proud beagle mothers?)

Our journey to family happiness takes an important step this weekend as we start our very first MAPP (Massachusetts Approach to Partnerships in Parenting) training class. This 24 hour training program is an important, and required, step in becoming eligible as a foster or adoptive parent through the Department of Children and Families (DCF).

We’ll be using this blog as a way to tell our family’s story right from the beginning of this exciting process and hopefully we’ll answer some of your questions along the way!